I'm amazingly bored on this wet wednesday afternoon, so I thought I'd start a post where you folk can post your top ten tips on anything...

Top ten tips on how to wear odd socks properly, top ten tips on how to fly a helicopter blindfolded...what ever your fancy..!

Mine is more boring, here's my top ten tips on how to enjoy a concert....("loser"..I know)

1. Make sure you buy a ticket to the concert in the first place, it's always a place to begin

2. Don't worry if your tickets are situated at the back (see tip 5 and 6 to get around this)

3. Never buy tickets off ebay, unless you are desperate and you are willing to trust the person. I have bought tickets off ebay before and luckily they were legit, however sometimes you can buy some bad apples.

4. Always book small amounts of tickets. If you think about it, if your booking 8 tickets, the box office peeps are going to whack you at the back. If you split your group into 4's or even 2's then you are likely to get better seats.

5. If you get bad tickets, don't cry. In the week running up to the event, rich VIP's and normal folk cancel their tickets all the time and the box office put them back onsale. Go onto the venue website and you can get some good seats. Once you have better tickets, sell yours to someone else. All my friends are going to see Britney on monday, and Jem and I wanted to go but couldn't afford it when they booked. Went onto the Wembley site this morning and got 6 rows from the front!!

6. If you get to the venue and you still have crap tickets, go to the box office, they will have tickets coming available by the minute because people are always cancelling. Then if you get better ticket, you can sell yours to a ticket tout (I'm not sure if this is illegal, I'll check it out). However, make sure you buy your tickets from the box office BEFORE you sell your others, because they might sell before you come back to the box office, then you'll be left with nothing.....and that would be ashame.

7. Backstage passes arn't "all that". So theres no point try to blag them...or even flirting with the security guard (give it a go if you want though, it's always a laugh). But seriously, going backstage is only good if you have won a competition because then you get to meet who ever your there to see. When you just get a backstage pass then you can only go to the side of the stage or watch from a distance behind the stage, the artist/s are drove away from the venue immediately after the show so you won't get to sit and have a cuppa! (Gigs are differen't though, generally artists will stick around outside to sign something and have a yarn)

8. Don't buy the disposable cameras that the guy in the weird green hat outside is selling...the photo's are poor!!!

9. Put camera's in your make-up bag (for girls), or in the sleeve of a "spare jumper" (for boys). Security won't check in there and your camera won't be taken away from you.

10. Make sure you party hard and have fun...!!

Ok...so that was probably a little boring.

Not boring at all !!

As seen in Viz: My Top Ten Top Tips (plus three)

1. Exterior wood stain is a fast, long-lasting and attractive alternative
to sun-bed treatments.
Mr T. Eebly, Warstead.

2. Werewolf enthusiasts. get that "wolfy" feeling every night by simply
gluing a paper plate to your bedroom window.
J. Bradley, Beeston, Notts.

3. Office workers. Avoid distractions from your important paperwork by
making "blinkers" out of two Post-It note stickers, one stuck to each
temple.
Fanny Cyclops, South Norwood.

4. Hijackers. Avoid a long stressful siege and the risk of arrest,
imprisonment or death by simply making sure you book a flight to your
intended destination in the first place.
Fanny Cyclops, South Norwood.

5. Record the sound of your washing machine onto a tape, then confuse
neighbours by playing it back on a battery operated cassette player
during a powercut.
Howard Urmenyl, Amersham, Leo Sayer country.

6. Deter goldfish from having sex by throwing a small bucket of air over
any that you catch in the act.
W. T. Conqueror, Hastings.

7. Play "Indiana Jones" with your pet mouse using a length of drainpipe
and a cricket ball.
I. K. Brunel, Bristol.

8. Play "Moth Aircraft Carriers" by floating a shoe box in the bath with
a torch attached. Leave a window open for ten minutes, then turn off
the room lights and watch as the moths attempt to make their dramatic
and dangerous landings.
Neil Davis, e-mail.

9. Terrify ants into believing they have been invaded by "War Of The
Worlds" style Martians by standing 3 pin plugs on end around their
holes.
J.T. Thropton.

10. Fool passers by into thinking you keep a bird of prey by walking down
the street wearing a leather gauntlet, waving a piece of raw meat in
your hand and constantly looking up into the sky.
Simone Glover, Tottenham.

11. Create instant designer stubble by sucking a magnet and dipping your
chin into a bowl of iron filings.
B Villbens, Birmingham.

12. X-Files fans. Create the effect of being abducted by aliens by
drinking two bottles of vodka. You'll invariably wake up in a strange
place the following morning, having had your memory mysteriously
"erased."
Sam Neffendorf, Weybridge.

13. A hedgehog trained to scuttle up and down the table from guest to
guest makes an unusual mobile cheese and pineapple cube nibble
dispenser at cocktail parties.
L Traintu, Clarkesville.

One tip from me..

Dont eat yellow snow

markmorris:

One tip from me..

Dont eat yellow snow 

YEEEEUUUUUUUURRRRCCHHHHHHH!

rob2305:

9. Put camera's in your make-up bag (for girls), or in the sleeve of a "spare jumper" (for boys). Security won't check in there and your camera won't be taken away from you.

May I just add a top tip for the camera scenario. As a girl, take a big-ish handbag that has a zip up pocket. The steward ALWAYS asks without a hesitation "in there" and because I make a point for this reason to go to a male steward, I just whisper "women's problems" and wink. I've never seen a steward throw a bag back at me and go "IN!" so quickly!

It was the highlight of the 1998 All Saints concert

Ah I am a boy and I have used the "girls problems" tactic....bet I got in faster than you

x

Lemon absolutly lovin your 10 tips! will be trying the alien one this friday i think! xx

Never touch an electrician with no eyebrows

Moo x

right my top 10 tips are

1.smile it makes you look so much attractive even without makeup

2. always keep a little bit of money aside just in case youre feeling down

3. no lad/girl is worth moaning over (we still all do it though)

4. if you like it and feel confortble with it wear it

5. you don't always need a bf/gf to enjoy yourself

6. if youv'e got it flaunt it!!!!

7. always use protection when your in the sun of course

8. create your own style try not to follow the lastest trends (if you can help it)

9. black goes with everything (keep that one in mind!!)

10. always share your problems (if you can) you will feel better.

11. Get what you what outta life and enjoy it!!!!!

luv cat xxxx

tinkerbell:

7. always use protection when your in the sun of course

... athough it does depend who you're with, to a certain extent.

rob2305:

All my friends are going to see Britney on monday, and Jem and I wanted to go but couldn't afford it when they booked. Went onto the Wembley site this morning and got 6 rows from the front!!

GO US!!! I cant wait!!

and some of those tips were quite funny

Jxxxx

rob2305:

All my friends are going to see Britney on monday, and Jem and I wanted to go

Imagine my horror last year when I joined a busful of pensioners for a weekend jaunt around the coastal towns of North-west France.

Yes folks, I had made the fatal error of booking tickets to see Brittany's piers....

you're on form today lem

xx

Thanks for your top tips Rob, I'm off to see Britney on Saturday...and I'm right at the back of the arena, so I think I'll take a little trip to the box office!

You're completely right about the rich important people cancelling close to the event. I wanted to see Boyzone's greatest hits tour but couldn't manage to get any tickets. I rang up the venue the week before the concert and managed to get central front row. The people sat on either side of me had paid double what I had paid. It's a lovely feeling... Apparently, you can't get front row for Britney though - she's auctioning the tickets and all proceeds go to the...wait for it...Britney Spears Foundation! What do they do???

Advice I have always found useful: when drinking out of a glass, keep the circular bit that's solid pointing towards the floor, and the circular bit that's not there pointing towards the ceiling. Otherwise, wet shoes.

markmorris:

One tip from me..

Dont eat yellow snow

uh oh!

lemon2000:

rob2305:

All my friends are going to see Britney on monday, and Jem and I wanted to go

Imagine my horror last year when I joined a busful of pensioners for a weekend jaunt around the coastal towns of North-west France.

Yes folks, I had made the fatal error of booking tickets to see Brittany's piers....

he he

Laura, I hope you manage to get better tix using Robs little trick!

Jxxx

Ok my 10 tips aren't informative, helpful and I really don't know why i'm about to write them! ! But hey-ho here we go- hope you have a giggle!! I always hope no one is offenced by these- if so, i'm sorry, and I will delete it.

10 things to do if you were to meet the Queen. (I met her when I was 6 and I always wish I had done these things! )

1. Call her Lizzie!
2. Ask her if she has a golden toilet seat (always wanted to know that myself!)
3. Ask her if Phillip farts in bed!
4. Ask her if you can come around to Buck Palace for tea.
5. Ask- does she do the cleaning at Buck Palace? (doubt she does- Lizzie in marigolds is an interesting thought!
6. Ask for her MSN address
7. This one is if you're feeling a bit cheeky- pinch her bum!
8. Ask if she enjoyed Jamie when he played to her, and ask if she has his album!
9. Ask her the code to her safe ! !
10.Ask if she's thinking of selling her house- if so, offer her a good £10.00 for Buck Palace. After all thats a good deal and you are just taking off of her hands- all that cleaning, nightmare! Besides she never uses all the bedrooms! !

And then...after you have done any/all of these wait for her secruity guards reactions, or just run!! !

Once again I hope no one is offenced!

Kate
xxx

lemon2000:

11. Create instant designer stubble by sucking a magnet and dipping your
chin into a bowl of iron filings.
B Villbens, Birmingham.

Hmmm...now I wonder who could use that tip??.....ummm....oooo yes.....

the wondrous......SOLOMOHATCH! Here's to you, babe! Hope to see you soon.

1 Tip to any other male singers. If you're going for a high note in your range, never squeeze the wedding tackle to help. Go falsetto. It's far safer and less painful.

Top Ten Ways to Freak Him Out in One Date

1) Explain the difference between princess, marquee and emerald cut diamonds -- and note your preference
2) Insist that he's not paying enough attention during the diamond-cut lesson and offer to go through it again
3) Call his cell phone when he goes to the bathroom and tell him you miss him
4)Call your mother and tell her how the date is going
5) Mention that your last breakup was especially painful when your ex started using the word "psychotic" to describe you
6) Tell him you despised the movies Animal House, Fletch, Slapshot and all the Godfathers.
7) Ask him if you look fat
8) Tell him that you're really looking forward to marriage
9) Expand on this last point and include the part about being able to spend someone else's money -- finally!
10) Ask him again if you look fat
then also ....
11) Confess that in preparation for the date, you tried on 47 outfits and it took you 6 hours to get ready.

Hope they work out if you really get annoyed by someone on a date - men it may work for you as well...who knows???
m
xXx

My top ten things to do if I ever appear on Countdown:

- Ask Carol for all vowels.

- Laugh raucously at all Richard Whiteley's remarks.

- Interrupt the Dictionary Corner.

- Declare that I had a nine-letter word and then forget it.

- Eat digestives all the way through the programme so that every answer I come up with sounds like fluffleduff

- Wear a tie with a picture of Giles Brandreth on it.

- Hide under the desk during the Conundrum.

- Use a calculator very obviously.

- Sit an enormous teddy-bear in my chair and squat down so just my head appears to be on the desk.

- Swear and bang my fist everytime my opponent gets points.

- At the end of the 30-second timer, arrange my arms in a John-Travolta-in-Saturday-Night-Fever pose to coincide with the *pew!* noise

lemon2000:

- Ask Carol for all vowels.

- At the end of the 30-second timer, arrange my arms in a John-Travolta-in-Saturday-Night-Fever pose to coincide with the *pew!* noise

cassandra_jane:

rob2305:

9. Put camera's in your make-up bag (for girls), or in the sleeve of a "spare jumper" (for boys). Security won't check in there and your camera won't be taken away from you.

May I just add a top tip for the camera scenario. As a girl, take a big-ish handbag that has a zip up pocket. The steward ALWAYS asks without a hesitation "in there" and because I make a point for this reason to go to a male steward, I just whisper "women's problems" and wink. I've never seen a steward throw a bag back at me and go "IN!" so quickly!

It was the highlight of the 1998 All Saints concert

Sorry to put a downer on this, but I tried this (zip up pocket in bag, women's things...) once (at a Take That concert, many years ago) and it didn't work at all, male security man was very thorough and had no scruples, I ended up being the embarassed, and cameraless, one!!

Very good countdown tips, I think you should audition, that'd be great TV!!

Tten top tips for a stress free life,


1. buy a decent washing machine. one with separate temps and programes and at least 110 rpm spin (serioulsly)

2. dont buy one fancy all singing all dancing remote control for all techinal wizardary, like the tv and ed player, when you cant find it, the roof explodes.

3. dont buy hand wash or dry clean only clothes, it will end in tears.

4. always park your car next to a really fancy expensive one, that way the theives will pinch theirs.

5. before logging on to PN in the morning, take tonights dinner out of the freezer, (must remember that one).

6. kids cost approx £80,000 until they reach 18, what could you buy with all that money?

7. make work plan around Jamie gigs.

8. marry well, so you can play on here all day and not go hungry.

9. to maintain standard of living, dont have teenagers, stick with babies

10. have aformentioned teenagers adopted or marry them off early (ha)